I was an unwanted child. On top of that, being born a girl was especially upsetting to both my parents, and they reminded me of this throughout my early years. My Mother whom never wanted the pregnancy said she even tried to abort me a few times. After being born, she had said to me that she watched me from a distance. There was no love, no nurturing. I was made to feel wrong for everything and even wrong to be alive. Hearing this over and over, I'd look up at the sky and wonder, why I was sent to the wrong family when I could feel love within me and they couldn't. My start in life was thus full of torture, shock, pain and trauma. Furthermore, my father was an alcoholic, and would always target me when he lost his cool in wanting to release his emotional/mental pain. I received it physically, mentally and emotionally. Luckily, the forest was always nearby and I would spend most of my time hiding in the forest, it was safe and quiet!
From an early age, being abused was considered "normal" in my life. You were taught to fear your parents. One day, I angered my father so much that the bruises left went straight to my heart, I told my Mother that he had to leave or I was leaving this Earth. That night, my parents had a horrible fight and my father left. By the age of 11, babysitting was a quick way to make money but at the expense of being molested and touched by men and with fear of pain if I spoke. Then at age 13, I had a tragic bicycle accident that left me unable to move for several days. That accident killed my dream of becoming a gymnast due to a broken collarbone, and arm injuries, moreover, doctors predicted that I'd be in a wheelchair by the age of 30. Being who I am and resilient, my mindset was "bullshit, I will show you how wrong you are" and from that point on, I started working out, and transformed my legs from my greatest weakness to my greatest strength! I had started to tap into my Inner Force!
At 16, I started to take control. I clearly remember the last time my mother hit me over spilled soup: I instinctively grabbed her hand and warned her that this was the last time she would ever hurt me. I moved out temporarily, and when I came back to apologize (in her world, it was always my fault), she had a moving truck and was moving over 700km away. Just like that, she abandoned me! Sure enough, I had another fatal traumatizing accident where I hit a telephone post while driving at full speed and rolled the truck 3 times. When I came to, there was blood everywhere! I was pregnant at the time and didn't know that, during that violent accident, my bottom tooth dug into my bone and nerve and would usher the beginning of 27 years of chronic, debilitating headaches. The tooth root post was over 20mm long. Cursed with pain, I continued to wonder why life still wanted me when no one else did. It felt like a constant battle of depression.
Illness woke me up.
At 19, I started to visit doctors telling them that something was wrong 'down there' and a few years later, one day, bursts of toxic shock syndrome started zapping from my cervix throughout my body! I remember yelling out loud in agony when it would strike, bringing with it continuous pain and bleeding. I also remember getting ready for surgery and knowing that this was the result of my connection to my mother, my abandonment issues, being molested, me not feeling safe and protected, and me being alone in this life. It angered me to know that this dis-ease manifested from a crappy childhood and all these issues about powerlessness, abuse, rejection, and a complete loss of control, all provided a rough start. I started asking myself questions and noticed answers would come up. I learned about surrendering to this wisdom, The world of the subconscious mind was opening up!
The Spirit World
I realized that I was not physically alone.
My journey led me down the path of spirituality. With my senses, I began to connect with the world of guides and angels. Messages would appear daily. Feeling supported for the first time in my life, I started to manifest and create opportunities in my life. Health became a priority, and I made my pain serve me as a constant reminder of that!
Following the improvement of my health, I became very intuitive and much more connected. However, only a little while later, I would be met with another major setback: I met and married a man who wouldn't allow me to be me, I struggled with suppression/freedom and not entitled to have a say, and I fell prey to his one-sided ways. 10yrs was too long, before long, cancer started to make its way back, and I had to face the reality that my marriage was going to be my demise if I didn’t do something about it.
After my divorce, every step forward I tried to take led me to falling back 2. My health declined with depression, allergies, asthma. panic attacks, anxiety, and episodes of anaphylaxis. I was in a 6-year legal battle with my ex who wanted full custody, and I was hopeless & helpless. I was desperate for help, desperate for pain relief, and tired of struggling with life. I was deep in debt and quit my job on account of chronic hip pain. I asked the spiritual world why I was even here if I was to be in so much agony with my headaches, hip pain, rejection, anger and hate towards myself and towards life. My perception of my life took a nosedive. I became a victim, at the effects of circumstances, and feeling limited and defeated, to the point of having such environmental allergies that without my 4 weekly injections, I couldn't even sustain breathing the air in the Fall season. And yet, life insisted that I stay even when breathing wasn't safe. Death sounded simpler!
What's wrong with me?
My life continued to be challenging.
I battled myself and needed to get a grip before I spiralled out of control. I started smoking, drinking, and feeling hopeless. I kept crashing and feeling depressed. I had chronic headaches that would overpower my "being" and leave me defeated yet again!! The pain became bigger than myself and I had no control. I sold my house out of despair and fear of losing the legal battle for my kids and engaged into becoming a Life and Leadership Coach. For the next 10 months, every day became a commitment in learning to be the best Coach I could be. It was life changing!
I knew, I needed to heal some inner blocks which went deeper than just coaching. Fortunately, by then, I knew how to connect with the Universal Forces, and so I started to ask questions to this Energy. The more I inquired, the more answers showed up. And one day, out of despair, I discovered a meditation technique. My first experience left me blown away and very interested in how to get my hands on this course.
I asked the Universal Forces and answers came.
ThetaHealing® awakened me!
ThetaHealing® facilitated spiritual, mental, emotional and physical healings. I was healing my past, letting it go, and understanding the greater picture through the eyes of God, Creator, Source, Universe. I started to have faith in something greater than myself whereas before, I lived from a place of despair and survival. "The Energies of All That Is" is the name I enjoy using the most.
The more heaviness I cleared, the more intuitive and healthier I became. It became a fascinating journey on which my body was showing me how to heal all of my suffering. That was a whole new level of healing!
I would continue my journey towards healing my headaches and found that I was able to put them behind me versus having them control my life at the forefront.
Everyday was a struggle in believing that I could be free from this pain and torture going on in my head. When my eyes were closed, all I ever saw was red flashes of color unless there was a sun or light.
I was learning to let my body have a say and acknowledge that my "Inner Being" can communicate to me and have more awareness with all of that. I kept asking about 'how' to heal my headaches if it was possible and just as I was giving up... A miracle happened!
I got clumsy with my toothbrush and hit my gum line. As a result, a sore appeared that started to leak out a lot of toxins and it instantly reduced the intensity of my chronic headaches. Who knew that a tooth was the culprit. The headaches continued for 6 months without change until one day, I woke up pain free. I still remember closing my eyes to go to sleep one night, I saw white light, versus the red light from being in so much pain.
2020 became the year that my head sensed quietness and peace for the first time in over 25 years from within. And it is also in that moment that I could finally hear, sense, feel the outside world and things got really noisy and stressful until I found new tools to practice. Empaths are radio stations! lol
Needless did I know that I was going to learn all there was about guilt.
I felt guilty of having a car accident while pregnant and the child getting a high dose of heavy shock & toxins from tooth..
I also had my 3 children projecting guilt onto me and me accepting it inside my chest!
I stored all that guilt and developed a mass on my breast after a weird episode where I lactated and heard loud and clear "YOU HAVE 5 MONTHS"!
I freaked myself out and thought "this is it", I have a brain tumour and gonna die.
The mere fact that I didn't have money to die sparked a desire to ensure I could take care of my own feneral expenses. After 3 attempts of putting away 10% of everything I made, I quickly filled up my envelop with almost 10K and decided I didn't want to die anymore LOL and instead, sold everything and moved to the closest city and be done with my old life and wanted a fresh start. I moved from a small town of 10K to 52k. My landing to North Bay was pretty rough, nothing went as expected. The teachings of Access Consciousness were a true blessing, changing my views, changing my stories, choosing to let go and so much more...
I learned that it was ok to be me, that my reality is different and what works for me could be different than what works for another and how to tap into this awareness, consciousness and so much more.
Living in question was the key to unlocking what I needed to get back into Thriving.
It took me 26yrs to let go and forgive my parents.
I also knew that I couldn't move forward without addressing my emotional issues with my father.
I spent 4 intensively weeks studying trauma, the pain and addictions and clearing my own stuff as it came up. Truly a gift to unlock the trauma residing within, setting it free and allow life to flow back in.
I feel that i'm just starting to live the life i've always wanted! Even though I was already doing most of it before. Not easy to have been self-taught, I realize that the Universal Energies were always contributing and it was my lack of awareness that held me back!
Life is a never-ending battle of challenges, adventures, teaching, etc…
Every choice creates!
Are you ready to embark on the Journey to connecting with your life force energy?
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